thee UTMOST

Am I ready to elaborate? Because someone recently asked, 'How do you like being a mommy?' In short, I am thankful for what God has given me/being able to have two lovely daughters by the man of my dreams, though this is the hardest "job" I have ever had (and you can take that to the bank):

Take for instance this morning: Although I was wearing a rist-cast thing on my left hand and arm (went to urgent care last night--I fell last Saturday), while my husband was preparing to go to work, I took a rushed shower (putting a plastic bag over my arm)...I stepped out of the bathroom with my towel barely on & the plastic thing still rubberbanded to my arm (so it wouldn't get wet)...because I had to discipline my oldest daughter for throwing a big tantrum--I wasn't even dressed yet & only had one arm to do all that I was trying to do. After their breakfast, I was wiping down the table & my youngest daughter had done a bowel movement in her diaper & decided she did not need it on anymore. Well, I was busy wiping down the table & could see her in my line of view, but did not witness her taking off her diaper and putting her hands in the poop and smearing it on the thing that holds our DVDs--the window was smeared with poop and some got on the floor (though fortunately, it was a pretty clean poop that mostly stayed in the diaper). 'That's it', I said to myself. And I proceeded to quickly dismantle my hand brace (I really liked having it on, because it makes my rist feel better). I had to grab her & carry her to the tub and eventually clean up the poop from the door on the DVD thing & the bathroom door, etc; as well as washing out the cloth diaper outside (once she took a nap)...then later I had to shower quickly again. But in between that, I took the girls for a walk and gave them lunch.

Now that they are napping, I am sitting down to write this, but I need to actually take a moment to mentally & spiritually regroup. The discipling of my 2.5 year old is really draining me. I know I shouldn't perceive it that way, because the Bible talks about if you love your child, you will discipline her. So my attitude should be hopeful and willing. Currently, I just have been feeling quite "SPREAD"--that is my word for when I am spent--like when you spread butter on a piece of toast...You are spread.

And even as I think about it, I have yet to view myself as a mommy--it has only been just a few months ago (like maybe since June), that my oldest daughter started saying "Mommy" and then calling me "Mommy". My youngest daughter recognized me verbally since she was about 10 months and she'll be one year this Monday.
So this motherhood deal is still new and often I am overwhelmed with the responsibility it brings--I really want to enjoy it. My attitude is not right. I am looking up and the time just flew by, as I know I will be starting to work part time soon and there were still so many things I wanted to do with them that I haven't done. Like do more sit-down activities & lessons: like word and picture-word cards, coloring, learning how to spell letters, sign language for the baby, language learning (Japanese & French & Spanish), crafts (well today we are going to make some birthday cards for people--including baby sister), and most importantly Bible lessons--that needs to be in the morning though. Then there's music, dance, gym time, lessons on computer, swimming, that Hollywood Bowl music-craft thing I missed for two years in a row. Huh. I want to do a lot. Perhaps next year, when they are both more on the same schedules--the baby always likes to nap from 11A-1P...sometimes I make her wait so that they both go down together--so I can take a break or get other stuff done.
Once again, it starts with me.
I have mentioned before that I see they are gurly girlz and love jewelry and dresses and headbands. The baby sits still to have her hair done & combed--which I appreciate. But, I have a waaaaaayz to go with my own femininity. I desire to be their example. This is one of the hardest parts about my motherhood is being the very person I want them to be: loving, sharing, giving, beautiful on the inside and then out. Hmmm. So my friend, in answer to your question, I can't say that I love the role of what mommy's do, but I love being a mommy to them. I love my daughters so much and though I don't like dealing with the discipling and multi-tasking and when they get sick & I end up worrying about their health (essentially all the work that goes into it), I love them. So putting myself aside, they are the blessings--I am only striving to live up to this role that God has blessed me with and to have the right heart and a whole-heart behind doing what I do and doing it well for Him and His glory.